Maybe God is working on my pride and selfishness. It is not fun for me at all. It sucks.

I know the reason behind all this is that I can't fully trust God. I want to take control instead of letting him take control. I don't believe that if I give in, he will bring what is the best for me.

I don't like people who are mean, judgemental, skeptical, sarcastic, ungracious, or ungrateful, but right now I feel I am somewhat all of that.

I am sorry.