I am in a dark place again. I have been having horrible, horrible nightmares. What was worse than dying was to watch the people you love the most die in front of you. I cried hard in my dreams, but there was no trace of tears after I woke up.

I don't know how to be with people who seem happy. It almost feels like I am carrying some sort of disease. I don't want to infect them with my sadness. Besides, talking to people has been tiring. Too much explanation is needed to make myself understood. I don't see the point of doing that.

The winter just began.