loss and gain

I am still stressed by work. Last week has been bad, but this week will be much worse. I worked hard during the weekend, but the outcome wasn't satisfying.

After I left my office this evening, I was pretty down. So I started to think about what I have gained after I came back to Michigan. Was it worth it? I wasn't going to regret anything. However, this evaluation might help me make better choice next time.

What did I lose? Spending time with my husband. He had some really rough time there. So if I stayed, he might feel better. The good side though, is that he went through it and now the future looks quite hopeful. Also, he has learned a lot from that experience. So it wasn't all bad.

What did I get? A legal status? Monthly wage? No, I can obtain a visa through my husband. And the money is not really much. Well, financial independence is nice. So I can sort of count this in.

Things that matter the most to me are relationships. After I came back here, I mended a friendship that was important to me. I got to know some awesome new friends. I feel more comfortable around my lifegroup. I got more involved in the conversation group. Besides that, I think I have been keeping learning, from life and from my research.

If I were given the chance to choose again, I am not sure which way I would go. But it is clear that my time here wasn't a waste. I need to keep going and believe that God is going to bless my effort, in ways that I may or may not see.