just want to be honest

On one hand, I know it is a difficult situation for Rui. I have no doubt that she cares about me a lot, and she has done so much for me.

On the other hand, I can't pretend that I am ok with it. Deep inside it has stirred up my insecurity and some hurtful memories from my relationships. Basically the voice in my head says "you are not a good friend" and "you are not worth it". I know they are lies, but they are some pretty good lies.